Expectation Management

Setting The Right Tone

When you’re in love it’s natural to have high hopes and expectations of what your future together could bring. You want your partner to understand and meet your needs, provide you with love and support, and help you achieve happiness. But when expectations are too high or not managed properly it can lead to lead to the demise of the relationship.

For a relationship to flourish and endure, both partners must fiercely hold on to realistic expectations of each other. Neglecting this vital aspect can lead to devastating misunderstandings and bitter resentments. Expectation management is an absolute must in the tumultuous and intricate dance of relationships to prevent one from feeling used and taken advantage of, while also ensuring that both hearts’ needs are met and nourished.

Navigating the terrain of a relationship is a delicate act, and setting the right tone begins with setting the right expectations. When both parties know what to expect from each other, it increases a sense of security. Finding ways to bridge the gap, and creating space for both perspectives to feel heard and respected is the very essence of expectation management.

This article will delve into the complexities of unreasonable expectations, illuminating examples of what they might resemble in a relationship. We will embark on a journey towards proactivity, empowering you to take charge of expectations through actionable steps and practical tips. By understanding how attitudes and perceptions shape your relationships, you will discover how even the slightest shift in perspective can transform the relationship dynamic. Together, we will learn how to shed unrealistic expectations and make room for true connection and vulnerability.

What Are Unreasonable Expectations?

Unreasonable expectations are demands we make on a person or situation without having any real sense of what is realistic or achievable. This type of expectation creates an unhealthy power dynamic in which one partner has a skewed sense of entitlement and superiority over the other. No matter how much effort is put into meeting these unrealistic expectations, it will inevitably lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration for both parties involved.

Unreasonable expectations may manifest in a plethora of ways, such as thinking…”

• Your partner will always agree with you
• Your partner will never make you angry or upset
• Your partner will always be in the mood for sex
• Your partner will never look at or speak to anyone else
• Your partner will always put you first
• Your partner will never make a mistake
• Love will always be enough

Let’s separate myth from reality and explore some alternatives to this way of thinking and consequential behavior.

Your partner will always agree with you

Expecting your beloved to always align with your perspective, negates the beauty of individuality and stifles the depth of growth in the relationship. A truly thriving connection allows for the freedom of diverse perspectives and encourages the cultivation of empathy and understanding of each other’s opinions and beliefs, even if you don’t always see eye to eye.

Your partner will never make you angry or upset

Your loved one is human, and like all humans, they are imperfect. Though love may be the foundation of your relationship, it’s natural to experience feelings of anger or upset towards them at times. However, rather than allowing those emotions to fester and divide you, approach them with vulnerability and authenticity. Through open communication and a willingness to work through challenges together, you can strengthen your bond and discover each other in a more constructive, thoughtful way.

Your partner will always be in the mood for sex

Passion and desire within a relationship are fluid, ever-changing forces. It is important to remember that the intensity and frequency of sexual desire are not constant, but rather shift and evolve over time. It’s natural for one partner to have a stronger inclination towards intimacy at certain moments while the other may be less inclined. As long as both partners are content with the level of intimacy within the relationship, there is no need to pressure or force any situation.

Being on the same page with intimacy and other areas of your relationship life is a worthy goal. Use this FREE Coaching Tool to assess your satisfaction and grow in awareness of each other’s needs and wants. GET IT HERE

Your partner will never look at or speak to anyone else

Allow yourself to feel the discomfort of jealousy without letting it take control. Trusting your partner should not be a source of fear or anxiety; it should be an empowering choice that allows you to experience real love and connection. If insecurities start creeping in, remember to pause and reflect on if there is any concrete evidence that would support your doubts, or if they are simply coming from a place of insecurity and fear.

Your partner will always put you first

In a romantic relationship, it can be deeply affirming to experience the depth of devotion from our partner. However, it’s crucial to acknowledge that each individual has their own unique needs and desires. A flourishing partnership is rooted in equitable consideration and empathy. Instead of expecting your partner to prioritize your needs above all else, strive for a balance that honors both your wants and needs.

Your partner will never make a mistake

Your loved one is human, just like you, and inevitably will stumble and falter at times. Holding onto grudges and refusing to forgive only serves to poison the beauty of your relationship. Instead, choose to embrace the understanding that no one is flawless, and extend grace and forgiveness in the moments your partner may not live up to your expectations. By doing so, you open the door for deeper connection and trust in your partnership.

Love will always be enough

Love is the beating heart that fuels the flames of connection in any meaningful relationship, but love alone is not the sole defining factor. A foundation built upon trust, understanding, and alignment of principles enriches the love and creates a bond unshakable by life’s storms.

Maturity requires embracing alternative viewpoints – both yours and those of your partner, which may even contradict traditional beliefs. Acknowledging others’ feelings as valuable allows you to create an inclusive environment that fosters positive change and richer connections.

A Proactive Plan For Managing Unrealistic Expectations

1. Communicate openly and honestly with your partner about your expectations

Maintaining a healthy relationship demands frequent, honest communication. To ensure expectations are met on both sides it’s important to vocalize your needs and wants promptly and gracefully. Taking the time to really hear your partner allows for deeper understanding and fosters mutual empathy and respect. Try paraphrasing back what has been said before moving forward with expectation setting. Open and honest conversation is essential for creating psychological safety.

2. Be willing to compromise on some of your expectations

It is always wise to be flexible and open to compromise when setting expectations. Not only does it demonstrate a willingness to understand where someone else is coming from, but it can also lead to solutions and outcomes that work for both parties.

Being objective and thoughtful rather than allowing feelings of stubbornness or entitlement to guide the conversation can put you on the path toward effective expectation management. Just remember compromise is a sign of strength, adaptability, and humility, qualities that are enriching to the relationship.

3. Be realistic in your expectations and be willing to accept that not everything will be perfect

Being realistic in your expectations of the relationships can be helpful in curbing disappointment and keeping a level head. Accepting that some days are going to be tougher than others, or that we might disagree on some topics, helps nurture a healthier dynamic and is more conducive to a harmonious bond. So rather than holding onto a romanticized view of relationships where everything works, everywhere all the time, allow yourself the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them while embracing the imperfections within your relationship with kindness and understanding.

4. Don’t expect your partner to be able to read your mind – communicate what you need and want from them directly

Expecting your partner to instinctively know your thoughts and desires leads to misunderstanding confusion and hurt feelings. Not only is it unreasonable to expect the other to mentally decode your unexpressed needs or wants, but is also impossible for them to do so. Speak up for your need and wants directly with your partner, doing so builds stronger connection and trust.

5. Try to avoid making assumptions about what your partner is thinking or feeling – ask them directly

Starting conversations with curiosity instead of judgment gives the opportunity to learn more about each other and avoids the pitfall of assumptions. Asking questions can be an incredible fact-finding adventure and broadens the capacity to listen deeply to each other’s feelings and inner voices.

6. Don’t put pressure on your partner to meet all of your expectations – give them the space to be their own person too

It’s important to remember that while you and your partner may share a mutual connection, you are still your own person with your own likes, dislikes, beliefs, and dreams; and need your own space and sense of autonomy in order to feel fulfilled and happy. Putting excessive pressure on your to meet all of your expectations will lead to resentment, feelings of entrapment, and no doubt ruin any chance of building a healthy and lasting partnership. You can still remain emotionally attached while giving each other enough space. Relationships blossom when you honor individual uniqueness and the experiences each brings to the mix.

7. Remember that relationships take work and effort from both partners – don’t expect effort from just one side

Healthy relationships require investment and input from both partners; expecting one side to do all the work can lead to frustration, resentment, and a skewed balance of power. True intimacy comes from a place of mutual action and effort, with each partner sharing the load and reciprocating in kind. It takes an earnest effort on both sides to understand, grow, and nurture the connection to enable the relationship to thrive.

Genuinely Align

Healthy relationships provide ample space for both partners to grow without being crippled by the unrealistic expectations of the other. Unrealistic demands don’t serve the relationship or foster the qualities for stability and longevity. Instead, they can be the biggest cause of tension and misunderstanding. Navigating the relationship journey with understanding and empathy, creating a space for each other to be yourself, and practicing open and honest communication allows for more cooperation and peace. Expectations can genuinely align!

Invest in Your Relationship

Do you feel like you are not being heard in your relationship? Your partner speaks a completely different language and you both feel misunderstood. Does conflict happen more often than you would like? If you are ready to get on the same page when it comes to communication make an investment in your relationship TODAY and sign up for The Communication Map. A simple and effective 6-week Coaching Program that offers a structured framework for addressing issues, navigating challenges, and finding common ground. Click HERE for full details.

With Grace and Gratitude

Michelle

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