In part 1 of this mini-series on Low Self -Esteem, we explored possible signs of this destructive condition. We looked at Negative Self Talk, Social Isolation, and being Overweight or Obese. This week, we’ll look at 3 further signs that point to Low Self-Esteem and also scrutinize possible origins. Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

The Origins of Low Self Esteem | Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

As a child raised in a household of three siblings in northern England, I experienced a rigid upbringing under the watchful eye of strict parents. My father, a product of a large family in Trinidad, carried with him the scars of an absent father and the early loss of his mother which hurled him into a large extended family dynamic. Back in those days, children were seen and not heard and as for emotional and physical needs, they barely registered on the awareness index. Fast forward to a grown man headed for new shores across the Atlantic, my father was ill-prepared for the hostile environment that would await him. Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

He approached his husband and fatherly role with stern discipline exerting dominance in the household. Shaped by his own struggles, and the reality of being a black man in the early 60s, trying to make his way in the U.K., he was often verbally abusive and delighted in name-calling and belittling those closest to him. In a world where survival was the focus, his unyielding approach to parenting often came at the expense of parental connection, warmth, and safety. Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

It wasn’t before long that I began to internalize the abuse and emotional neglect suffered at the unintended hands of my parents. It changed me from within. It’s almost impossible to flourish as a human being when you feel abhorrent and unloved. Parents and caregivers have a duty to nurture and be a rock-solid foundation from which children can launch their lives. The feeling of being unwanted and unloved can crush the spirit and stunt personal growth. When you don’t feel safe and cherished, it offers an opening for low self-esteem to creep in. And creep in it did during my early teens. Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

Although childhood experiences can deeply impact your sense of self-worth and may follow you into adulthood, there are other sources that can contribute to feelings of self-doubt and insecurity:

~ Negative experiences with others
~ Comparing yourself to others
~ Your own mental dialogue and inner thoughts (a.k.a negative self-talk)
~ Unhealthy focus on flaws and imperfections
~ Societal pressures

So let’s dive into some other signs of low self-esteem and tips to banish them for good! Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

1. IMPOSTOR SYNDROME | Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

Impostor syndrome can be a harrowing and exhausting experience, playing on the insecurities of low self-esteem to compound feelings of inadequacy. It traps you in a precarious cycle. You:
~ Overachieve only to feel like you don’t deserve the monetary success
~ Focus fiercely on perfectionism with little reward as it never feels enough
~ Become ever more isolated in your doubts as praising feedback no longer has an effect Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

It’s can be an uphill battle to gain control over this emotionally devastating load, one that leaves you feeling more and more like an undeserving fraudster. The main tenet of imposter syndrome is self-sabotage and unworthiness. Despite your accomplishments, there is a continuous internal battle and fear that your success will be disproved or revoked at any moment. It becomes increasingly difficult to enjoy the fruits of your labor and reap the rewards of your success. You may intentionally create scenarios that put your accomplishments at risk subconsciously believing that you are undeserving of such accolades. Or embark on a frantic mission to hide your tacks to prevent you from being found out as a fraud or impostor, all the while taking a huge hit on emotional and psychological welfare. Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

But despite its challenges, understanding and addressing Impostor Syndrome are paramount if you want to lead a fulfilled life free from wrongful perceptions created by your own insecurities. Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

Let’s look at how you can reclaim your self-confidence and feel good about your personal achievements as you break free from the chains of impostor syndrome.

Tips for overcoming imposter syndrome

• Reframe your accomplishments as earned victories
• Acknowledgment that your successes are valid
• Embrace your achievements and own them as the triumphs they are
• Keep a record of past successes
• Acknowledge your strengths and worthiness of accomplishments
• Use positive affirmations to celebrate yourself and your contributions
• Take time out for moments of self-reflection and give appreciation for the journey
• Acknowledgment that your successes are valid so you no longer question them
• Embrace your achievements and own them as the triumphs they are!
• Strive for personal improvement and ‘good enough’ rather than perfection
• Have fun and enjoy the process
• Sign up for therapy or invest in a Life Coach. Schedule a free Strategy session with me today

Cut Some Slack! | Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

We set the bar impossibly high, expecting nothing less than flawlessness from ourselves. We become our own harshest critics, mercilessly judging every misstep and mistake. But perfection is an illusion, a mirage that can never truly be reached. The beauty of life lies in our ability to evolve, to learn, and to grow from our experiences. So, let us cut ourselves some slack, embrace our humanity, and strive for progress instead of perfection.

Imposter syndrome is not a permanent state. By taking a strategic approach and having an action plan in place, you can tap into a source strength quickly! Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

2. FEAR OF FAILURE | Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

Fear of failure and low self-esteem can be two of the most debilitating forces that hold you back from living life to the fullest. They choke you with an iron grip preventing you from pursuing your dreams, taking risks, and truly living. These emotions are fueled by a deep-seated belief that you are not good enough and that you will inevitably fall short. This self-doubt can be paralyzing, causing you to hold back, play it safe and avoid stepping out of your comfort zones. Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

The fear of failure is rooted in a belief that your worth and value are tied to your achievements and that if you fail, you will be judged, rejected, and discarded. This fear is a trap, it clouds your judgment and blinds you to opportunities for growth and learning. Low self-esteem soon sets in making it difficult to believe in your abilities, leading to even more feelings of self-doubt and insecurity. The end results paralyze you from taking action and moving forward. Fear builds on itself – the more you focus on a perceived sense of dread, the stronger it becomes. Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

The fear of failure can be closely linked to procrastination. The very thought of failing or embarking on something that may not lead to a successful outcome can be so colossal in the mind that avoidance is more bearable than the feeling of being judged or shamed for failing. Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

For some, the fear of failure stems from a genuine belief that if they make the wrong choice, something bad will happen. It creates the perfect breeding ground for inertia and helplessness, perpetuating the cycle of fear, anxiety, and avoidance even more.

When confronted by such feelings it is important to remember that failure is a necessary part of growth, so reframing failures as learning opportunities can help build resilience and become an important part of reaching success. By acknowledging your fears and insecurities, you begin to challenge the negative beliefs that hold you back. You become aware of thinking patterns that put limits on your potential for personal improvement. Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

Let’s turn fear into fearlessness with these tips

• Reframe your perspective and view failure as an opportunity to learn and grow
• Embrace your imperfections and accept that you are not perfect
• Celebrate small wins such as completing a goal or achieving a new skill
• Take small but significant steps toward facing your fears
• Building meaningful relationships with safe people can help you learn how to trust yourself and cognitively challenge self-assigned false beliefs
• Taking small steps and gradually exposing yourself to new experiences and activities can help push past your fears
• Develop a growth mindset – (A mindset that is characterized by a love for challenges and viewing failures as opportunities for growth and improvement, rather than defining yourself. The belief that intelligence and abilities can be developed and improved)

Try my FREE Coaching Tool and find out what makes your heart sing! Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

Don’t let the fear of failure and low self-esteem hold you back. Embrace the unknown, take a leap of faith, and let yourself soar to panoramic new heights!

3. EXCESSIVE NEED FOR VALIDATION | Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

Validation is an important part of feeling secure and accepted in your relationships with others. But the intense craving to constantly be validated by those around you can negatively impact your emotional stability.

Part of the personal growth and development process involves judgment, evaluation, and decision-making. When you make decisions that come from a soulful place and reflect your most profound values, chances are you are operating from a foundation of high self-esteem. Your internal belief system is strong, there is congruency in your words and actions and you believe firmly in yourself. However, making decisions based on what is accepted or approved by others or external validation can lead to a feeling of low self-worth and disconnection from your true sense of purpose. You end up becoming a carbon copy of other people’s ideologies with a very narrow range of perspectives. More concerning is that you never develop the skill of critical thinking which can leave you susceptible to conspiracy theories, prejudices, and cognitive biases. Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

Another telling hallmark of excessive validation is sharing only what you think will get the most positive reactions from other people rather than sharing from a place of authentic self-expression. While getting lots of likes and positive feedback may feel good in the moment, the long-term result is superficial relationships, dependence on others for your self-worth, and even stunted growth in terms of understanding yourself.

People who constantly crave external validation have a habit of searching for validation from others instead of looking within and embracing their own self-worth. They are drawn to people who reinforce their worthiness, but this can lead to toxic relationships as they may become an easy target for manipulation by those who are seeking to exploit them for their own selfish gain. Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

Instead of looking for validation from outside sources, try focusing more energy on expressing gratitude for our own unique gifts and strengths. When you work towards “self-validation” you cultivate a positive relationship with yourself, empowering you to make decisions that come from a place of knowledge, confidence, and personal power.

Power Tips

• Focusing on self-reflection and self-discovery can develop a strong sense of self-worth
• Look within yourself and practice self-love and self-acceptance
• Start trusting your own abilities
• Get out of your comfort zone and start taking risks, small calculated ones to begin
• Embrace your vulnerabilities and be honest with yourself about your own strengths and weaknesses
• Strive to build internal sources of confidence and resilience that come from challenging yourself and taking pride in your successes
• Get curious about the world

Nurture Yourself | Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

Being independent and finding your own way in life can be a difficult journey, especially if like me, you had a difficult beginning. But I can tell you that the reward is priceless. When low self-esteem is replaced with self-efficacy and self-knowledge it ignites and radiates your soul and you experience a deep sense of inner peace and fulfillment. You positively glow!

Everyone experiences periods where their confidence takes a hit here and there–but if any of the above signs sound familiar then it could be a sign of an underlying issue that my need your attention and care. Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

In part 1 and part 2 of this mini-series on low self-esteem, we’ve unveiled the internal battle that affects many different aspects of life ranging from social interactions all the way to how you may perceive yourself deep down inside your soul. By recognizing some common signs such as negative self-talk, social isolation, being overweight or obese, imposter syndrome, a need for approval, and fear of failure, and comparing yourself unfavorably with others, you can become more aware of struggles within yourself. You may even notice others struggling with low self-esteem and provide help before it spirals out into an even deeper abyss. Small changes like adding daily affirmations into your routine and Mindfulness practices can greatly increase your overall sense of well-being. So make sure you take a proactive approach and nurture your mental and physical health.

Work with Me! | Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

If you are looking for additional support and guidance on increasing your self-esteem, consider working with me! 😊 As a Life and Couples Coach, I understand the challenges you face in your personal and relationship life. Whether you are struggling with a lack of motivation or feel like you’ve hit a roadblock, or just want your life to be different, I am here to help you identify the issues holding you back and provide tools and techniques to facilitate real and lasting change. Through holistic coaching sessions focused on setting specific goals, building new habits, and addressing underlying issues, I will be your biggest cheerleader and support you to reach your full potential and manifest the vision you have for your life. So if you are ready to get unstuck, get on purpose, and live the best version of yourself, SCHEDULE a one-on-one Strategy Session with me today! Yes, that’s how close you are to creating the life of your dreams! ❤️

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With Grace and Gratitude

Michelle

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