Meaningful Social Connections

Life without meaning is a desolate wasteland, devoid of the very things that stir your soul and set your heart ablaze. It leaves you feeling empty and lost, with a gnawing hunger for something more. Without purpose, life loses its color and vibrancy, and your passions wither away like a dying ember. We need meaning in our lives to feel alive, to feel like we are truly living and not just merely existing.

In the first part of this short series, I explored the distressing truth of a life that lacks a fundamental sense of purpose. A life where the desperate search for external gratification consumes you, a life where you are constantly seeking the next hit, the next thrill, the next fleeting moment of validation to justify your existence. You look everywhere except within yourself to find that essential sense of self-worth.

In today’s edition, I will explore the second sign that you could be living a life lacking meaning: THE ABSENCE OF MEANINGFUL CONNECTION.

Worrying Times

I wonder if we have ever faced a time in our history when isolation and sadness have been as pervasive in people’s lives as it is today. Just six days ago, the CDC issued a report that was nothing short of staggering, revealing the scale of teenage girls in the US who are grappling with increased feelings of sadness and violence.

Newly released data from the CDC indicates that in 2021, almost 3 out of 5 (57%) teenage girls in the US experienced persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, which is twice the percentage for boys. This represents an increase of almost 60% and is the highest level reported in the past ten years.

Kathleen Ethier, Ph.D., Director of the CDC Division of Adolescent and School Health, stated that the distress level experienced by young people requires urgent and compassionate action.

Read the full report here

Social isolation and loneliness don’t just affect the young population. According to a recent report by the National Academies of Sciences, Engineering, and Medicine (NASEM), over 33% of adults who are 45 years old and above experience feelings of loneliness, while approximately 25% of adults aged 65 and older are categorized as socially isolated.

In our quest for progress and modernity, we have unwittingly created a lonely, isolating world. We work long hours, tethered to our devices and isolated from each other. Our meals are hastily consumed in front of screens, and our beds offer little respite from the constant buzz of notifications. And what do we get in return? A myriad of life-draining conditions threatens to swallow us whole. Stress, anxiety, and depression are our constant companions, robbing us of the joy and vitality that we so desperately crave. The price we pay for progress is steep. (My video shares more on this).

Basic Biology

Human biology has evolved in such a way that we are naturally drawn to social interaction and forming close relationships with others. This primal urge can be traced back to our ancestral origins as hunter-gatherers, where cooperation and social bonds were essential for survival.

As early humans, we lived in small tribes or communities where each member played a vital role in ensuring the survival of the group. Our biological makeup has evolved to support this way of life, and as a result, we have developed traits that encourage social interaction and bonding. These traits include things like empathy, altruism, and the ability to read and interpret social cues.

In this way, the tribe plays a significant role in human evolution. Cooperation and collaboration, enable us to adapt to new environments and overcome challenges that would have been impossible to tackle alone. Although our modern lives may look very different from those of our ancestors, our biology has not changed significantly. We still have an innate desire for social connection, security, and belonging, and we are naturally drawn to situations and people that satisfy this need. It is an essential aspect of our social and emotional well-being.

Division and Distrust

The need for human connection is deeply ingrained in our nature, yet it appears that we are increasingly losing touch with one another and developing a greater sense of distrust. A glance at the political and social spheres highlights the extent of our divisions.

We see this play out in a plethora of different ways:

• Families living under the same roof but rarely speak to each other, preferring to communicate through screens
• People feel lonely and isolated despite having hundreds of “friends” on social media
• The co-worker keeps to herself and avoids interacting with colleagues
• Friends no longer make time to see each other due to their busy schedules
• Whole communities where people have different political beliefs and struggle to find common ground, causing tensions and disagreements
• Huge divisions in the male and female arena make it almost impossible to find a long-term mate

Let’s look at the different elements that may be playing a role in our disunity and fragmentation, which are leading to feelings of resentment and hostility towards each other.

Social media

Social media platforms have made it easier for people to connect and share information, but they have also contributed to our separation by creating filter bubbles where people only see information that supports their existing beliefs. This leads to the spread of misinformation and the demonization of those with differing opinions. Social media has also contributed to the fragmentation of society by reinforcing
existing beliefs and ideologies, amplifying extremist views, and promoting outrage culture and cancel culture.

The media

The media has played a significant role in creating division by focusing on sensationalized stories that generate clicks and views rather than reporting on important issues that affect us all. This has led to a lack of trust in the media and a polarized society.

Fear

Fear of the unknown, fear of change, and fear of others who are different from us can lead to the demonization and separation of groups of people. Fear is often fueled by misinformation and is used by politicians and other leaders to manipulate the unsuspecting population.

Ignorance

Ignorance of different cultures, religions, and lifestyles can lead to stereotypes and prejudice. Lack of education and exposure to diversity can create a narrow-minded view of the world that contributes to our separation.

Covid-19

The pandemic has created fear and uncertainty, leading to a sense of isolation and separation from others. The restrictions on social interaction and the constant focus on death and illness have also created a sense of hopelessness and despair.

Technology

The rise of technology has made it easier to buy things online, reducing the need to go out and interact with others. This has led to the decline of brick-and-mortar stores and the loss of community gathering places. It has also contributed to a sense of disconnection from our neighbors and the wider world.

Political polarization

Political polarization refers to the widening ideological gap between the left and right, leading to the formation of separate echo chambers, and a lack of willingness to listen and engage with people who hold different views.

Economic inequality

Economic inequality, especially the growing income gap between the rich and poor, leads to social and economic segregation, as people from different income groups live in separate neighborhoods, attend different schools, and have fewer opportunities to interact with each other.

Identity politics

Identity politics is the practice of organizing political and social movements around particular identities, such as race, gender, and sexual orientation. While it can be a useful tool for promoting social justice, it can also exacerbate existing divisions and encourage a zero-sum mentality.

Cultural differences

Cultural differences, such as language, religion, and customs, can lead to misunderstandings and miscommunications, leading to tensions and conflicts between groups.

Confirmation bias

Confirmation bias is the tendency to search for, interpret, and remember information in a way that confirms one’s preexisting beliefs. This can lead to a lack of empathy and understanding toward people with different perspectives.

Lack of social cohesion

Social cohesion refers to the level of connectedness and trust within a community. A lack of social cohesion can result in a sense of alienation and isolation, leading to resentment and distrust toward others.

As you can see there’s a long laundry list of reasons contributing to our lack of connection in today’s world. Going it alone runs counter to our fundamental human nature. The saying “no man is an island” rings true here. It’s like trying to run a marathon with a pebble in your shoe, a lack of connection can really hinder your ability to make the most out of this precious life. You can have all the fancy cars and designer clothes, but without the warmth of human interaction, life can feel like a barren wasteland. You’re wired for connection and it’s what keeps you going. It’s like the fuel to your engine, the oxygen to your lungs, and the cheese to your pizza. Let’s not underestimate the power of relationships and how they enrich our existence.

Other People Matter

Other People Matter,” a famous quote by Christopher Peterson, a highly esteemed researcher, and advocate of positive psychology, encapsulates the findings of decades of well-being research. According to this research, the social relationships we cultivate are the most significant factor in our personal happiness. Additionally, during challenging times, social relationships serve as an invaluable resource. Studies have consistently demonstrated that having a positive and supportive network is a crucial aspect of resilience and a fundamental principle of relationships that foster human flourishing.

Living a meaningful life involves establishing trusting relationships with others that are characterized by empathy, affection, and intimacy. It’s important to note that intimacy doesn’t always imply a romantic partner; rather, it refers to the depth and closeness of the relationship.

Relationships play a pivotal role in shaping your life and connections with others are crucial, starting from the bond you form with caregivers in infancy to the relationships you build with friends, colleagues, neighbors, and loved ones later on. In fact, some experts suggest that positive social relationships are the primary driver of life satisfaction and overall well-being. According to Diener and Seligman, individuals who experience high levels of happiness tend to have fulfilling and meaningful social relationships and spend less time alone compared to the average person. However, not all social connections are created equal. Negative relationships that are defined by emotional, psychological, and/or physical harm can have a significant negative impact on your well-being.

Negative Relationships

Here are some examples of such relationships:

• An abusive romantic partner who uses physical violence, emotional manipulation, and control to dominate and harm their partner. Or they create frequent situations of conflict
• A parent who constantly criticizes belittles, or demeans their child, causes emotional harm and damage to the child’s self-esteem
• A toxic friend who consistently drains their friend’s emotional energy is unsupportive and causes unnecessary drama and stress
• A boss who uses fear and intimidation tactics to control and manipulate their employees, causing psychological harm and a toxic work environment
• A family member who is addicted to drugs or alcohol, causing them to act irrationally and harm others in the family
• A co-worker who engages in bullying, harassment, or discrimination, causes emotional and psychological harm to their colleagues

Negative connections can drag you down and hinder your progress. They can be toxic and leave you feeling drained and unworthy. When discussing the development of a fulfilling life, there is an inherent link to mental well-being. It is therefore crucial to build meaningful and high-quality connections to support your personal growth and a thriving life of significance. Use this FREE Coaching Tool to help you detox your toxic relationships. Sign up HERE!

Let’s examine how that differs from the aforementioned list

Positive relationships are characterized by the following traits which can contribute to our overall well-being:

• Sharing feelings: You each feel comfortable expressing your emotions and thoughts with each other. You share your joy, sadness, and everything in between without fear of judgment
• Expression of concerns: You are able to express your concerns to each other in a constructive and respectful manner. You can provide feedback to each other to help solve problems or make improvements
• Acceptance of the person: You accept and appreciate each other for who you are, without trying to change each other. You embrace each other’s differences and are committed to supporting each other
• Emotional support: You offer emotional support to each other during challenging times. They are there to provide comfort, encouragement, and guidance to help each other navigate difficult situations.

Positive connections are those people who listen to you and try to understand how you feel. They genuinely care about your well-being and offer support as best they can. They create a safe space where you can be yourself and feel loved and accepted. They nurture your growth and motivate you to be the best version of yourself. Positive connections are like a warm embrace on a cold day, a soft place to land, they make you feel valued and appreciated. They’re easy to spot because they contain the characteristics that bring you joy and fulfillment; they make you feel happy and content. They embody the traits that resonate with your qualities as a human being.

Here’s a handy list of traits that you’d ideally want to see in your social circle:

• Trust and honesty
• Respect and kindness
• Empathy and understanding
• Communication and active listening
• Collaboration and teamwork
• Support and encouragement
• Sharing common goals and interests
• Compromise and flexibility
• Forgiveness and conflict resolution
• Quality time and shared experiences
• Affection and intimacy
• Positive feedback and affirmation
• Mutual understanding and acceptance
• Celebration of achievements and milestones
• Sense of humor and fun-loving attitude

Get Social!

The correlation between mental health and social connectedness is indisputable. Neglecting your mental health and well-being may result in depression, anxiety, and sadness which can trigger feelings of loneliness and isolation. All of this can feed into a sense that life is meaningless. Prioritizing relationships is a crucial piece of the puzzle and should be on par with other healthy habits such as a balanced diet, physical activity, and healthy sleep. Engaging in communal activities and giving back to society can significantly enhance the quality of life. But that’s just one way of maintaining connections.

Social connections don’t necessarily need to be in person; they can also be brief moments of reminders of the meaningful identities that keep positive connections at the forefront of your mind. It could be as simple as sending a quick text message to a friend or loved one to let them know you’re thinking of them and appreciate their presence in your life. Taking a moment to reflect on a past experience that brought you and someone you care about closer together, and letting that feeling of connection fill you up. Adding more photos of family and friends in your living or working space or rearranging the living room to create a more welcoming space to hang out. Whatever you can do to foster the feeling of being part of a community, and that the community is also a part of you, is valuable. Remember it’s not about trying to force friends or family members into spending large amounts of time together, the focus should be on establishing opportunities for meaningful and high-quality connections.

This brings us to the final portion of this article where we can put some of this into practice almost immediately. These tips can help you foster a sense of belongingness that is crucial for your overall health, happiness, and sense of meaning.

Practical tips for building meaningful connections and cultivating a sense of belonging.

1. Community Group

Joining a community group or organization that aligns with your interests and passions. By connecting with others who share your hobbies or goals, you can establish a sense of camaraderie and support that can help you feel more connected and fulfilled.

2. Social Events and Gatherings

Attending social events and gatherings. Whether it’s a party, a networking event, or a community festival, being around others can help you feel more engaged and connected to the world around you.

3. Volunteering

Volunteering for a cause that you care about. You can find a sense of belonging while also making a positive impact on the world. By working alongside like-minded people, you can build strong connections and feel a sense of purpose and meaning in your life.

4. Team Sports

Participating in team sports, fitness classes, or other physical activities. Through shared experiences and common goals, you can build strong relationships, bond with others and feel a sense of connection to a larger community.

5. personal stories

Sharing your personal stories and experiences with others who understand and empathize with you. By opening up and being vulnerable, you can create deeper connections with others and feel more understood and accepted.

6. Communication

Engaging in open and honest communication with loved ones. By resolving conflicts in a respectful and constructive manner, you can strengthen your connections and feel more supported and connected to those around you.

7. Professional Support

Seeking out professional counseling, coaching or therapy can be a helpful way to address any underlying issues that may be impeding your ability to feel a sense of belongingness. Working through personal challenges and developing coping skills, can improve your mental health and build stronger relationships with others. Read my page on Life Coaching. 

8. Kindness Matters

Practicing empathy and kindness towards others. Treating others with respect and understanding can create a positive and supportive community that helps you feel more connected to the world around you.

9. The good life

Cultivating a positive and optimistic outlook. Focusing on the good things in life and finding joy in simple pleasures, can help you build resilience and feel more connected to the world.

10. Self-Love

Creating a sense of belongingness within yourself. Developing a strong sense of self-acceptance and self-love can cultivate a deep sense of belonging and fulfillment that comes from within. This can be a catalyst for seeking true meaning and revealing your life’s purpose. Use the 5-question in this video to help build a framework of inner strength.

A Rich and Meaningful Life

In conclusion, the importance of your social connections cannot be overstated. A life without meaningful connections can lead to feelings of loneliness, isolation, and a lack of purpose. When you are connected to others, whether it be through relationships, community, or shared experiences, you are more likely to feel a sense of belonging and fulfillment. Prioritizing your social connections and actively seeking out opportunities to build and strengthen those connections, is a central component of a life that is rich with purpose and meaning.

Let’s Build Together

Building your village can be a difficult task, particularly as you get older or have moved to a new town, city, or country. Or perhaps your self-esteem or confidence has just taken a bit of a knock. As a Life Coach, I can help you navigate the challenges and find creative solutions to create the life and community you deserve. Your well-being and happiness will thank you and your future self will be grateful that you had the self-awareness and compassion to prioritize yourself. 😊 Get started with a FREE Life strategy one-on-one session. 

Thanks so much for reading my blog, leave comments below, I’d love to hear from you! And spread the love by sharing my blog, maybe it will reach a lonely soul in need of some love. Come join me on my social media journey where I spread daily doses of inspiration and positivity every day! ❤️

With grace and gratitude

Michelle

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